We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
