You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
