My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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