How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
