I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
