I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
