am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
