i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
