some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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