no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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