My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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