so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it because I queefed?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
