Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
