I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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