I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
