I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
