it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
