a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
