I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
