I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
