Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
