Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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