No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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