omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
