There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
