and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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