so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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