shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
