i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
