She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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