She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
