WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
