i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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