like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
