Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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