im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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