if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
