Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize