Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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