youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
