God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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