listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
