i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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