i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
