Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
