No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
