Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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