I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
