sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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