You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
