I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize