you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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