I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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