Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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