If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
These tits shall not be calmed
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