Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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