do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
zippers are such a cool invention
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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