The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
