addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
