I'm sorry my penis didn't work
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
