Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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