We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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