Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
