so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
