Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
