I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I haven't been this sober since birth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
