At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
