hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
