I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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