THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
