My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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