i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
