drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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