i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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