I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
