I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize