her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
