I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
