Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
