Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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