Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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