Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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