Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
