Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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