I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its not stalking. its research.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize