i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
