I just cut my nipple shaving
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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