meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
