just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize