Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
