Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
