I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
