i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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