I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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