he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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