So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
