I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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