it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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