you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
