im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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