i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
