You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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