i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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