Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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